Posts Tagged ‘girlfriend’

Dating 101 with matchmaker Janis Spindel

September 15, 2009

Working with bachelors I learn about their dating life in the course of conversation.  And while I operate with my clients under the premise of “if you build it / decorate it, she will appear”, my interviewee takes a much more active and truly effective approach to dating, marriage, etc.  Janis Spindel is the country’s leading matchmaker with approximately 869 marriages to her credit, 1000 long-term committed relationships and zero divorces.

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JaniceSpindel

Matchmaker Janice Spindel

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Janis Spindel has been interviewed by the New York Times Magazine, Fortune, Wall Street Journal and many more.  She has been seen on 60 Minutes, CNN, the Today show, ABC, NBC.  Janis has serious credibility and is serious about her passion, finding you your wife!  Her services come at a dear price, however her wisdom is there for us all to learn from.

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"What's Love Gotta Do With It?" New York Times Magazine, February 13, 2005

"What's Love Gotta Do With It?" New York Times Magazine, February 13, 2005

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I pulled up to the Bridgehampton home, complete with heart-shaped street number, of Janis and her husband of 27 years on a busy summer Friday afternoon to ask her questions about the pitfalls and secrets for men about dating women, in counter balance to her recently published a book for women,   “How to Date Men” (which she has her male clients read).  Janis is fiercely dedicated to her mission and she will tell you, “I am not a dating service, I am a matchmaker.  I am here for the exclusive purpose of finding my clients the woman whom they will marry.”

During our interview a Mr. X. calls, Janis takes every call from everyone, no screening.  This is a woman who means business even if her business is love.  Mr. X is hemming and hawing about coming to a party of Janis is throwing out in the Hamptons the following Sunday evening.  I am uncertain if he is a current or potential client, Janis is to the point regardless, “What are you waiting for? You are 40 plus years old … “  She is very clear, he needs to be there, she has someone for him to meet, he needs to get off the fence and be there.  I ask her a few days later if he is coming to the party, she said “He’s coming, of course I DON’T take no for an answer.”

Part of what I learned from interviewing Janis Spindel and reading many of the articles written about her is that while she is direct, almost withering, she has a point.  We’ve all been waiting around looking for the right person, or staying in a relationship too long because it is easier than finding a new one.  Janis is gifted in her craft, and an important part of the services she provides is to prepare the field.  She gets her clients ready, she is grooming you to take your life and getting married seriously.

Graciously, Janis shared with me some of her thoughts about dating a woman.  Most of them seem obvious to me, and since Janis says, “I own the minds of men” let’s listen to her advice directly.

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“What are the first date do’s and don’ts?”
– (and she applies these to the second and third dates as well)
1.    do be on time.
2.    do pick her up at her home (but do not go in).
3.    do bring a small gift, maybe a single rose or some chocolate or a book.
4.    do be a gentleman, open her car door, open all doors for her, pull out her chair – serious brownie points.
5.    do go out for more than dinner on your second and third date, a movie, an activity, a charity function or a sports event.
6.    don’t talk about your Ex-anything! Your ex-girlfriend, ex-fiance, ex-wife, ex-business partner – whatever! Nothing negative!
7.    don’t be pushy, rude or anxious, to your date or anyone you come into contact with.  If a woman sees you yelling at the parking attendant she is going to think that you will yell at her that way someday too.
8.    don’t be desperate, relax, this is fun.
9.    don’t talk about politics.
10.    don’t bring your baggage to the table. She doesn’t want to hear about your tragedies, keep it light and fun.

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“What creates a lasting relationship?”
1, 2 and 3 – communication – as this is so important, I asked Janis to elaborate on this
– never go to bed angry, talk about it, make peace.
– communication with the woman you are seeing is a 24/7 thing, not a call twice a week.
– share the good and the bad stuff, be a team.
4. really get to know her, be incisive, ask questions and listen to her answers.
5. respect her and listen to her.
6. commonalities – whether they be upbringing, lifestyle, or interests you need to share things that matter to you in common or respect the things you do not share.

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“How do you work with your clients?”
1.    Initially there is a phone interview with one of my assistants.
2.   The home visit – like it sounds, we visit his home, look inside the drawers, the fridge, the closets, as you know best, someone’s home is very telling of who a person really is and I need to know it all to find “the right one”.
3.    The simulated date – the man takes me out on a series of dates so that I see how he treats women.
4.    The dates – our service is a 12 month contract and we usually we find “the right one” in two or three dates.
5.    if he doesn’t find “the one” in these first two or three dates, I talk to him about this because either he is not articulating what he wants or he is just “dating” and I am matchmaker.
6.    If he begins to date someone then his membership “freezes” for up to a year, and he has up to 24 months to be matched. However if he’s been dating someone for a year and he’s not to “I do” then there is something else wrong.

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“What makes for a good client?”
1.    he has to be emotionally available.
2.    commitment minded.
3.    well educated and successful in his chosen profession.
4.    well traveled.
5.    healthy, athletic.

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While Janis works with the elite of our species, her words are not wasted on the rest of the crowd.  What she says is valid for every man and woman, be your best, take care of yourself, be polite and be determined, there is someone out there for everyone … but you have to have done the work to prepare yourself or else you will have the same life you have today. Ouch!

Without a doubt Janis’ unsaid motto is life is short, find a mate, you’ll be happier and then she can move on to find the next great match.

dale b. cohen

new york city

the 10 essential items for breakfast in bed

May 6, 2009

This list comprises the 10 essential items you need to prepare a simple breakfast in case she stays over.  Since a woman would rather lie around your, hopefully, tidy apartment than wander out to breakfast wearing last night’s outfit, running out to the grocery store and stocking-up might be a good idea. Most items will keep for a long time so you will be covered in between conquests.

1 Coffee

It goes without saying that one of the most important items you have to have for breakfast in bed is great coffee.  Many people like electronic coffee makers, I say it’s just the two of you, make it the old fashioned way.

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This stylish coffee maker is designed by the German designer Tassilo von Grolman. Cafino can be found at Mossonline.com.

pph_6112_lMany people like a french press.  This modern interpretation of the french press coffee maker is designed by the Italian architect, Aldo Rossi.

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My preference is the old fashioned Italian stovetop type.  This one from Oliver Hemming’s 66 Collection is simply beautiful.

drip_group_trio_250x250Make sure you buy the proper type of coffee grounds for the type of coffee maker you actually own.  I only use Illy Coffee.  It is like having a little piece of Rome right at home.

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Tea

Because not everyone drinks coffee, have at least one black tea, Lipton or Earl Grey or English Breakfast or Green and at least one herbal, mint, chamomile or a mixed floral.

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Bread

Buy sliced bread, one loaf of whole wheat and one of sourdough or rye and put them in the freezer (make sure sure you have a toaster).  Far and away the best sliced bread I have ever had, and I always have a loaf of in my freezer, is Eli Zabar’s Health Loaf.  Toast this bread and spread a little sweet cream butter and all is well with the world.

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For those of you who like old fashioned white bread, you are on your own.  I left white bread in the dust years ago along with fluffenutter sandwiches.  They were great, but our tastes have grown more sophisticated since then.

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Salt and Pepper

I love the flaky crystals of the Scottish salt, Maldon.  I have asked many chefs what their favorite salt is and to a person they all say Maldon is their every day salt.

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Eggs

Eggs, unbroken last a very long time, you might want to do what my dad does, write the purchase date on each egg, they will keep for 6 months.  Always best to buy cage free and organic, if possible.

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Butter

Buy a pound of organic sweet cream butter or unsalted butter, it is better for breakfast, and keep it in the freezer. It lasts practically forever in there.

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Milk

This is the only item with any real temporal issues, I buy organic low fat milk, which is healthier.  As an added bonus it has a much longer shelf life. If you want a very very long shelf life then buy Lactaid, it seems to last practically forever, but I have no idea what’s in it.

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Sugar and Sugar substitute

Pick your poison, I have organic Florida crystals at home and the “yellow” packets for those who prefer synthetic sweeteners. Choose from the Pink, Blue or Yellow artificial sweeteners and have at least of few packets of one of them.  They will all last even after a nuclear holocaust, which is why I stick with the real stuff.

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9 Pancake mix and real Maple Syrup

My favorite pancake mix is the Multigrain Pancake mix from Trader Joe’s, it makes fluffy hearty pancakes every time.

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10  Oranges, Orange Juice

Of course, what could be better than fresh squeezed orange juice.  Either you acquire a small juice press and keep some oranges on hand in the fridge – they do keep quite a while in there – or you find the best fresh frozen organic organic juice (from Whole Foods).

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The OrangeX Chrome Juicer is nicely styled, a bit retro and simple to use.

The elegant Breville Citurs press is easy to use, simply pressing the fruit in the press activates the motor.

The elegant Breville Citrus Press is easy to use, pressing the fruit activates the motor. Just lovely.

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If you are a very lucky man, the woman you choose to be with will be a great cook and can prepare breakfast with the materials laid out in this blogpost.  I know, this is wishful thinking.  Many women I know do not know how to cook, which always mystified me … until one day when I was living in Los Angeles and preparing an elaborate dinner party for 20 or so friends and I asked my adorable and very slender friend V.M. “Why don’t you or any of our girlfriends know how to cook?”   To which she replied, “My mother always told me not to eat, so why would I learn to cook?”  And with that I understood so much about my many years in Los Angeles and moved back to New York the following year.

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dale b. cohen

new york city

why your white dress shirt is your best friend

February 13, 2009

The lost art of dressing is our topic for this week’s post.  Even when casual dressing, your white shirt is your best friend and I might say that your white shirt is possibly a better friend to you when dressing casually.   In conversation this week with a friend of mine, Gabriel Zeller, who is a Brooks Brother’s Master Specialist, we spoke about men’s casual dressing and the art of it.  What has been misplaced in the era of dressing casually is that dressing well takes thought and that often times men without the compass of a suit go astray.  Ask any woman you have gone out with, as beautiful as you look in your suit, when you pull something together for a Saturday night date or dinner with friends, it does not show you at your best.  Of course, it is when you are dressed casually that we spend the most time with you.

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Paul Newman

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Upon looking up the definition of casual on http://www.merriam-webster.com, casual is defined as;

1: subject to, resulting from, or occurring by chance. 2 a: occurring without regularity : occasional.  3 a  (1): feeling or showing little concern : nonchalant.  (2): lacking a high degree of interest or devotion  (3): done without serious intent or commitment. b  (1): informal, natural   (2): designed for informal use.  Synonyms see accidental, random.

Gabriel remarked, “The issue being that even Webster views dressing casual as synonymous with accidental and random.  Lets avoid some accidents out there.  Casual is  an opportunity for being natural and relaxed, and being comfortable.”   So from our conversation, what we came up with is a man needs a casual uniform the way he leans on his cadre of suits as his professional uniform.
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Steve McQueen

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The key is to keep it simple and elegant.  This is where we get to why your white dress shirt is your best friend.  “Not only is it one of the most understated and elegant ways to be appropriate and taken seriously, it is as simple as it sounds.  An understated white dress shirt,  with a white undershirt, will be a perfect choice from work transitioning into dinner on Saturday night. Pair it with a cleanly pressed chino or untucked with dark jeans for the more casual outing.”  I know many men prefer khakis or chinos, my vote is for jeans with an untucked white dress shirt.

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Robert Redford

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Gabriel had a long conversation with me about the custom fit shirt.  He feels that when a man walks down the street in a shirt that is properly fitted, you know it and it defines the man.  “I’m a big supporter of the ‘your shirt should fit you’ club. Not all men have the same build and not all shirts are made the same either.  More and more clothing companies are becoming aware that fit matters.  From the multiple fit options ready made at Brooks Brothers, (traditional, luxury and slim) to the best in show, made to measure or custom made shirting.”

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Daniel Craig

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Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

And no matter what, be sweet to your sweetheart!

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Jeff Koons ‘Hanging Heart’

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dale b. cohen

new york city

valentine’s day for every woman in your life

February 5, 2009

This time every year men are scurrying around to figure out, to plot, to conjure what on earth to do for Valentine’s Day.  Of course, we all wrestle with the fact that this is a completely made-up holiday! And yet, we all know that if you, the guy,  ignore V-day, it is at our peril!

So this being the case, we have tried to take some of the heat off of you and are providing here the perfect gift for every woman in your life.  Each plant conveys something to the woman you are giving it to in just the right tone.  Of course, if she is really really “the one” well then you need to dangle a diamond of some sort from one of the branches.

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your Grandmother

A  Blue Hydrangea, with it’s broad round shape and deep color, emanates with warmth and is thought to imply a steadfastness of affection.

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your Mom

The Kaleidoscope or Raspberry Phalaenopsis Orchid.  It’s pale yellow flower with a pink stripe is soft and glows beautifully, expressing maternal love.

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your Sister

Yellow Calla Lilies, shine beautifully and brightly.

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your Girlfriend, The keeper, the one you might actually marry …

The timeless, elegant White Phalaenopsis Orchid.  Orchids have long been thought to represent delicate beauty. The White Orchid speaks to pure love.

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your Girlfriend, a more casual affair

This orchid is called the Solar Flare Orchid … you can imply it’s meaning.

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your Girlfriend / Best friend
Who just happens to be a woman.  The clean crisp White Narcissus, also called Paperwhite, is thought to represent purity and sweetness.

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Today’s post was inspired by the wonderful Foliage Garden in New York City.  All photographs were taken in their shop with the assistance of Jeff and Meredith.  I work with Foliage Garden because I love their finishing/arranging work with their plants.  They take great pride in their work and possess  a  beautiful eye, and their work always makes my clients happy.

Additionally, my friend  Judy Fertel, the national manager of Remains Lighting,  was instrumental in the photography of this blog post.

Happy V-day!

dale b. cohen

Intimate Gifts for the Women in Your Life

December 17, 2008

The everyday bachelor has many women in his life.  When the holidays near you never really know how to choose the perfect gift.  Here’s our guide to intimate, fun, stylish gifts for every woman in your life.


Mom

La Perla, Long Robe

La Perla, Long Robe

Sister

Bleu Clair, Tokyo Top Pants

Grandmother

Natori, Dynasty Caftan

Girlfriend The keeper, you can bring her home to mom.

La Perla, La Grinta Slip

Girlfriend The casual lover

Chantelle, Africa Demi

GIRLFRIEND   Best friend
She’s been with you through thick and thin and every stupid decision,
she has attended countless thanksgivings in between your vast array of girlfriends, she’s been your “stand-in” for years.


Josie by Natori , Lucky Dragon PJ